Broken Illusions Page 3

  "We don't know, that's why it's only a rumour."

  "There must be theories. And doesn't Dimitri know?" He strikes me as the kind of man who knows everything that goes on in his home. I highly doubt he'd let something like someone working with the guild pass his notice.

  "Of course there are. Pretty much everyone is suspected, from Eric to Remus." He studies my face as he says the last name, and I look away despite myself. "I see," he murmurs, disappointment threading through his tone.

  "Not like that," I reply, pushing thoughts of Remus to the side. I'll explore those once we're all safe again. "He was the first person to be nice to me at the den. Really, he's the first person who was ever really caring towards me. That leaves an impression," I point out.

  "I suppose," Bram replies, but he doesn't sound like he believes that. Interesting. And potentially confusing and concerning for when I have both of them in one place. I don't have feelings for either of them. Attraction to both. But feelings? I'm going to deny that one to the ends of the earth.

  "Just cut me open, and then we can get going." I sigh. Exasperated by his messing. If he just got on with it, and stops obsessing over whatever is going on in his head, then we'll get out of here much faster.

  "Is it weird to say with pleasure?" He smirks as he asks, and I smile back. That's much better than broody and jealous Bram.

  "Yes, now get on with it."

  "Do you want anything for the pain?"

  "We don't have anything," I point out. Other than our weapons, we have nothing. Which may cause us some problems in a bit, but I'm honestly trying not to think about it.

  "Oh, right."

  He brings the knife up to my skin, and I close my eyes, trying not to think on what was about to happen. It'll hurt. I know that, but I'm still trying to brace myself. I sing a song I don't know the name of in my head, hoping it'll focus my brain on something other than the sharp knife about to cut into my skin.

  The plan fails. I inhale sharply as the blade slices through skin. Lucky for me, Bram keeps it sharp, and thought to steralise it before he did anything. I can feel the slight warmth of the metal where he ran the lighter over it. A trail of blood trickles down my arm, but I ignore it.

  "You okay?"

  "Just get on with it," I reply, though deep down I'm appreciating the concern.

  "This will hurt more," he warns me.

  "Yep." There's nothing I can do about the pain. If I'm right, and I'm convinced I am, then the pain will be worth it once that thing is out of me.

  Bram goes silent as he wiggles the blade around inside my shoulder. "Got it," he says eventually, and with a flick, he removes whatever it is that's within me.

  With the movement of the knife gone, there's nothing to distract me from the sting of the wound, and I breathe deeply in an attempt to get through it.

  A ripping sound comes from Bram's direction, followed by a soft dabbing at my shoulder. He's being surprisingly gentle, like he actually doesn't want to hurt me.

  "Here," he says, biting his wrist and offering it to me.

  "What?" I ask, a little dazed and not understanding what he's after.

  "If you drink my blood, it'll heal the wound."

  "Will it do anything else?" I ask, thinking of all the books I'd secretly read where vampires sharing blood led to sex and bonding. While I'm not opposed to the former, I'm not so sure about the latter. Maybe one day, I'll change my mind and bond to a vampire. But not today.

  Bram chuckles throatily. "You've been reading too much fiction. It won't do anything but heal you. Though trust me, drinking blood in other situations is definitely fun..."

  He moves his wrist closer still, and I grasp it in my own. Nerves flitter around in my stomach. This is the first time I'll be drinking directly from someone, and I'm already worried I won't be able to stop. Then again, Bram's a vampire, it likely won't be the same.

  I never imagined drinking blood from the vein would take more courage than putting myself into hundreds of dangerous situations, but here I am. I just need to trick myself into realising this is exactly the same as those dangers. It's something I have to do, no matter how much apprehension I'm feeling.

  At first, I just lick along the trail of blood that's running from his bite marks, but after the taste hits my tongue, I just want more. I bring him closer, and close my lips around the mark, sucking deeply. He's right, I can feel how restorative his blood is, though definitely not in the same way human blood is. I wonder if a vampire can sustain themselves from other vampire blood, or if they need human.

  Bram laughs louder this time. "You really don't ever stop thinking do you?"

  I let go of his wrist, and lick my lips, catching all the residual blood that's gathered there. "I guess not. Could you read my thoughts?" My eyes widen. I really hope he can't, but what if this is another vampire trait I just don't know about yet? Mild panic takes hold of me, and I'm not all that sure how to make it stop. This isn't where I imagined my life going.

  "Of course not, but even while drinking, your eyes were darting around and trying to work things out."

  "I'm used to not being able to ever relax," I point out, trying not to pout.

  "Understandable." He lapses into silence, and I say nothing to stop that. I don't know what to say to be honest. "So what were you thinking of this time?"

  "If a vampire can sustain themselves from just vampire blood," I answer instantly. It's not like my thoughts give anything away in this case. Quite the opposite really.

  "Interesting."

  "That's not an answer," I snap.

  "No. But the surviving on vampire blood isn't normally a thought new vampires have so soon. Try four or five years down the line."

  "You mean after they've accidentally killed someone?" I snarl, regretting my moodiness the moment the words leave me mouth. "Sorry, that was uncalled for." I scuff the floor with one of my boots, not meeting his eyes.

  "Maybe not. But you're right. Normally it's after they've killed someone."

  "I guess I got my killing in before I was turned anyway." Even I can hear the bitterness in my voice. It's hard not to. I hate what the guild made us do. it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Not to mention a crazy amount of blood on my hands. Figurative blood. I didn't waste a drop of what Bram offered.

  "You need to stop blaming yourself for that."

  My head snaps up at Bram's statement. He's the last person I expect to come out with something like that.

  "It's not your fault what they made you. Just like it's not mine what my wife did." He looks a little lost in thought, and I don't disturb that. In some ways, it's not my place to. He's as entitled to his guilt as I am.

  "I could have said no."

  "If you killed your first vampire at ten, then I very much doubt saying no was possible."

  Damn man. Why does he have to be so logical about that. He's right, I know he is, but that doesn't remove the guilt I feel over it all.

  "I..."

  "Ashryn," he says firmly. A lot firmer than anything I'm used to. I quite like it, but I'm not going to admit that to him, he'll just use it against me to get me to...I'm not sure what. Get me to do something. That's the way my life seems to go.

  "Sorry."

  "Are you?"

  "Yes, no, maybe?" I shrug my shoulders.

  "Here." He passes me my shirt instead of answering, and I pull it over my head. The wound on my shoulder has pretty much healed now. In fact, I pretty much forgot about it, which says a lot. "And to answer your question, no. Not forever they can't. But if you're desperate, vampire blood will sustain you just long enough."

  I nod. That makes sense. Especially with the blood's apparent healing properties. Without them, not so much.

  "Was it actually a tracker?" I change the subject back to what we probably should be talking about. Bram nods.

  "Yes. A fairly high tech one to say it's been in your body for over a decade."

  "Worrying."

  "Very much so," he says. "I'm guessi
ng we just leave it here now?"

  "We can't really take it with us."

  "Do you think they'll actually be tracking us with it?"

  I think for a moment. Considering I didn't even know that thing was in me until just now, I want to say it's unlikely. But I'm not convinced either way really. "I don't know," I answer honestly instead. "It seems unlikely they were using it yesterday, or they'd have been waiting for us when we got out of the bunker. But today..."

  "Today they already lost us and need to find us."

  "Which begs the question of why they want to find us in the first place," I muse.

  "Because we're vampires?" He cracks a crooked smile.

  "Except it's not you they're tracking. It's me. Do you have a particularly bad reputation? Is this some weird plot to get you out of the way?" I ask. I'm thinking aloud mostly. I know Bram doesn't have much of a reputation outside the den, otherwise I'd have heard of him before I met him. That's how this works most of the time. If a vampire's done evil things, then the guild knows about it and does something to stop them.

  "Have you done something that could make them go after you?" And there's the question I've been dreading.

  "Getting turned into a vampire doesn't count, right?"

  "I highly doubt it considering you being turned into a vampire was an accident."

  "I'm never going to live that down."

  "Yes, you will. Most vampires are accidental anyway. What I meant was that whoever set you up didn't intend for you to survive at all. Never mind become a vampire," he points out.

  "So how do they know I am one now?" That did seem a little odd. "And can we walk and talk?" I suggest.

  "Good idea, though if we want answers, I think we might need to change directions."

  "Unfortunately, yes," I agree, turning and facing the way I know the guild is. "At least they won't be able to see us coming."

  "Hopefully not." He thinks for a moment. "And I think it's to do with the tracker? Maybe it needs to be a certain temperature to work?"

  "I've been meaning to ask about that..."

  His laugh fills the forest. I'd tell him to be quiet, but if someone's tracking us, it likely won't make a difference. Maybe it'll even lull them into a false sense of security and attack us. I don't like their chances against Bram and I. Particularly with both of us aware of the dangers around us now.

  "You mean the fact you haven't really changed temperature?"

  "Yes. I'm dead, aren't I?"

  "You tell me, Ashryn. How's your heart?"

  Pounding harder than it should be, thanks to you. I don't say that out loud. That probably isn't the best thing for me to do. "Beating," I reply instead.

  "And your lungs?"

  "Breathing."

  "And your stomach?"

  "Hungry."

  "So are you dead?"

  "No?" I ask, uncertainty filling me. It may be a trick question after all.

  "Exactly. You're not dead. You're just in a different state of being."

  "I should start a tally for all the lies I've been told." I pout. I can't help it. I don't like how many lies I've been told over the years, it makes me feel like a gullible fool.

  "You're a lot more likable when you're not acting like a bitch," he says, taking me completely off guard.

  "Well you're a lot more likable when you're not being an asshole," I reply, but there's a smile on my face as I say it. A couple of days ago, I'd never have considered I could actually enjoy Bram's company. And yet, here we are.

  "Can we get there before daybreak?" he asks.

  I think for a moment, trying to recall the pathways they had us memorise. "Yes, but we should probably move a little faster, just to be sure. We need time to scout out somewhere safe."

  Which could be an issue. Normally, a lot of hunters were there, pretty much all the time. Sneaking in won't be easy, and there's a good chance we'll have to fight our way there. Just the idea of that makes me queasy. The idea of hurting people who've had as little of a choice in this as I did, doesn't sit well with me. Sure, there were some like Ravi and Lily. People who actually enjoyed the bad bits. But most hunters do things for the same reason, I had: because they believe they have to.

  The further from the guild I get, figuratively that is, we are walking towards it after all, the more I'm starting to realise just how toxic a place it is.

  "How confident are you in where we need to go?" Bram asks, breaking my train of thought. Which is a good thing, really. The road I was taking would have headed very quickly towards guilt and tears again.

  "Maybe ninety percent?" A little more than that even, but I don't want to come across as overly cocky, just in case I'm wrong. That's a new development from me. In the past, I'd have been a cocky little shit about it all. Must have been super annoying for everyone around me. I'm sort of regretting it now.

  "Want to try something else vampires can do, then?"

  A quick glance over at his face reveals a childlike glee that can't be faked. Whatever it is he wants to show me, he truly enjoys it. Which makes me think I probably will too.

  "Sure," I reply, smiling back, but with a little more hesitation. I'm not sure what he's planning, and this could go completely wrong considering I don't l have any experience in whatever it is.

  "You know we have super speed?"

  "I wouldn't call it super." Enhanced, sure, but super is pushing it a bit from what I've seen and experienced.

  "I would. Catch me if you can, Ashryn." With that, he starts to run, picking up speed quickly. Far quicker than I expect.

  "Wait, Bram, you need me to direct you!" I call after him, before breaking into a run of my own. My speed picks up just as quickly as his did, and I'm soon careening after him into the night. Let's hope I don't run into anything.

  Chapter 5

  The run is exhilarating. Though I should have thought about tying my hair up before we set off. Then again, I'm not even sure I have a hair tie with me. I keep my hair longer than most hunters, so normally do. But with everything going on at the moment, it didn't cross my mind.

  "That's the guild?" Bram asks, looking out onto the bunker style accommodation I grew up in.

  "Yes, what did you expect it to be like?"

  "A bit more accessible."

  I laugh loudly. "It is, you just need to know where to look." I wave him over to where I know one of the entrances is, then hold my hand up for him to stop and be silent. I need to concentrate to work out if there's anyone else beneath us. If there is, then stopping is probably the best idea. Though we only have a couple of hours before daybreak, and we need to be in the complex by then. If not...

  I shiver. If we don't get inside, then we both know what will happen, and I don't think either of us is crazy about the idea.

  "Okay, I think we're clear."

  "Clear for what?" he asks, but too late.

  I'm already typing in the code, then lifting the heavy door. It's a similar material to the bunker. Much of the guild is. I think someone figured it would stop an attack if there ever was one.

  "Oh." Bram stares at me for a moment, and there's a sense of self-consciousness coming along with that.

  I tuck a strand of my long red hair behind my ear, hoping it isn't as matted from our run as I think it is. I must look so attractive right now.

  "After you." I gesture towards the hole in the ground, and, to my relief, Bram takes the hint and drops himself through it. It's not a long fall, it's designed for humans, but it's enough of one for him to make a soft grunt when he hits the bottom.

  I follow suit, the air turning from crisp to stuffy. It's a wonder I lasted as long as I did down here. It's stifling already and I've only been back a few minutes.

  "This way," I whisper, turning down the corridor towards where my old room is. Hopefully, they haven't cleared it out yet, or moved someone else in. That way, we can have a base to plan from, even if it's just for five minutes.

  "Are you sure?"

  "I lived here for most of
my life. Yes, I'm sure," I reply, keeping my voice low. I know Bram can hear me, but this way, the other hunters milling about definitely won't be able to.

  "Good point." Luckily, he's speaking quietly too. Makes me wonder what it is he actually does for the den. Maybe I'll pluck up the courage to ask him at some point.

  We reach my old room within a few moments, and as soon as I've established there's no one in there, I open the door and pull him in after me.

  It's exactly as I left it. Which isn't really a surprise. It normally takes a couple of weeks to sort things out once a hunter has disappeared. Or died. Or been turned into a vampire apparently.

  Which isn't saying much. There's next to no personalisation in my room. There isn't in many of the living spaces. We're taught from a young age not to collect things. Even as a child I didn't have a doll or anything. I feel I missed out on that front, but there's not much I can ever do about that. I never even thought about the possibility of children of my own. Now I have even less reason not to think about it. They were out of my life plan for good. Not that a family had ever really been a part of that to start with.

  "Where are we?"

  "My bedroom."

  "Not how I imagined getting here."

  I snort. "And how did you imagine getting here?" I ask, my tone taking on a suggestive edge without me intending it to. Stupid body betraying me.

  "A bit like this," Bram responds and tugs on my arm.

  I let him, and end up crashing against his chest as he snakes an arm around me. His lips press against mine, and I part my lips instantly. His kiss against the tree has been going around in my mind since it ended, so this was welcome.

  Our bodies are flush against one another. I can feel every part of him against me, and it sends tingles down my spine. More so when one of his hands begins to tangle itself in my hair, and the other caresses the small of my back.

  A small moan escapes from me, and Bram grips my hair harder in response. I've never felt this intensity with a man before. It's normally just been a bit of fun between two people, but this is different. I don't want to explore what it is though. I just want to explore his body in every way I can.